Hope u'll Laugh

Jokes

First Job and My Last

1. My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it - mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, I tried to be a chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life, but I just didn't have the thyme.
6. I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it I couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a shoe factory. I tried but I just didn't fit in.
10. I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.
11. I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.
15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT AND FOUND THAT I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!




Varun Gandhi's New Career

Indian Politician


An Indian politician went to the US to visit his counterpart. When the senator invited him home for dinner, the minister was very impressed by the lavish mansion, grounds and the costly furnishings.
He asked, "How can you afford all this on a meager senator's salary?"
The senator smiled knowingly and took him to the window.
"Can you see the river?"
"Yes"
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
"Of course", said the minister.
"10 percent", said the senator smugly.
Some time later, he had occasion to pay a return visit. The Indian minister lavished all hospitality on him. When they came to his house,the American was stunned by the huge palace the minister had built, glittering with precious art, hundreds of servants etc etc.
"How can you possibly afford this, on a salary in Indian Rupees," he asked.
The minister called him to the window.
"See the river over there?"
"Sure", cried the senator.
"Can you see the bridge over it?"
The senator looked, was confused, peered closely and said, "No, I don't see any bridge."
"100 percent", said the minister !!




World War III


George W. Bush and Colin Powell are sitting in a bar. A guy walks in and asks the barman, "Isn`t that Bush and Powell sitting over there?" The barman says, "Yep, that`s them." So the guy walks over and says, "Wow, this is a real honor. What are you guys doing in here?" Bush says, "We`re planning World War III". And the guy says, "Really? What`s going to happen?" Bush says, "Well, we`re going to kill 140 million Iraqis and one intelligent blonde. The guy exclaimed, "Intelligent blonde!! Why kill a blonde?" Bush turns to Powell, punches him on the shoulder and says, "See, smart ass?! I told you no one would worry about the 140 million Iraqis!"





On the shaky track!






My Inbox


A Priest dies & is awaiting his turn in line at the Heaven's Gates.
Ahead of him is a guy, nattily dressed, in dark sun glasses, a loud shirt,
leather jacket & jeans.

God asks him: Please tell me who are you, so that I may know whether to
admit you into the kingdom of Heaven or not?

The guy replies: I am Pandi, Yellow Cab driver from Chennai (Formerly
Madras, India)!

God consults his ledger, smiles & says to Pandi: Please take this silken
robe & gold scarf & enter the Kingdom of Heaven ..

Now it is the priest's turn. He stands erect and speaks out in a booming
voice: I am Pope's Assistant so & so, Head Priest of the so & so Church for
the last 40 years.

God consults his ledger & says to the Priest: Please take this cotton robe &
enter the Kingdom of Heaven ...

'Just a minute,' says the agonized Priest. 'How is it that a foul mouthed,
rash driving Yellow Cab Driver is given a Silken robe & a Golden scarf and
me, a Priest, who's spent his whole life preaching your Name & goodness has
to make do with a Cotton robe?'

'Results my friend, results,' shrugs God.

'While you preached, people SLEPT; but when he drove his Yellow Cab, people
PRAYED'

Moral of the story**: It's PERFORMANCE & not POSITION that ultimately
counts.

Letter To Bhagat Singh

23/03/2009

Dear Bhagat Singh,
This letter is somewhat late,but i can't help it.Its a bad habit here that we all remember great persons only on their birth or death date, and that too because it is an official Holiday.

Today i was thinking that i am 22 years old and have i done anything till now ,that i could feel proud of? This thought came into my mind as i realized that at the same age you willingly kissed the hanging knot with Sukhdev And Rajguru.

You dreamed of a country that was free. Free not only from the Britishers ,but also from inequality, exploitation & poverty.
How did you thought about such things........ and moreover you not only thought but you sacrificed to fulfill that dream.

We all should take a leaf out of your life......the determination,the passion ,the love u showed for the country was really tremendous.

But sorry Bhagat Singh ......your sacrifice has gone vain......
The country has gone into the hands of opportunists. The people are not only fighting on religion but also on the basis of regions.
The rich have become more richer and poor have become more poorer.
The country is going into the hands of Capitalists.

Election are going to be held here shortly,and guess what ,the political parities are been filled up by Actors , Sports persons and Celebrities....rather than politicians.

You sure won't have dreamed of a country like this!

Not even an single news channel showed any thing related to you this day......
Even last year was your birth anniversary, but then also no channel stood up and remembered you.
All the channels were busy showing the "NANO" launch.....damm that NANO ....



But still we remember you.
Your ways and ideology may not get along with most people, but what makes them respectable is the courage love for the country, for which they didn't hesitate to go to the gallows with a proud smile on their faces..

Salute to those men who lived with a vision and died for a mission.
It is a big shame on us that after independence we surrendered this nation to another form of slavery.
Hope the progressive and patriotic youth of this nation will draw inspiration from your ultimate mode of sacrifice.

remembering you in hope...
one of your followers


we salute for them.......every time, every second


उठो धरा के अमर सपूतो
पुनः नया निर्माण करो ।
जन-जन के जीवन में फिर से
नई स्फूर्ति, नव प्राण भरो ।

यही उन शहीदों को सच्ची शर्धांजलि होगी

Designer Baby

22/03/2009

I am very furious today.My Family thinks that i am good for nothing,may be they are right but they cannot insult me all the time.
I have decided that if they insult me one more time then i will............well to be honest,what can i do? So its better that that i face the reality and move on with this.

Today i did nothing special. I was in my room all day long .My condition reminded me of my friend's T-Shirt graffiti which said"You call it Laziness , I call it Thought process "

Jade Guddy died today. May god Bless her, and more than her, god bless the media which sold death .




There was an article in the news paper today about the concept of designer baby.
This concept is the extension of the famous test tube baby technique .
The scientists use techniques like "Pre Implantation Genetic Diagnosis","Inherital Genetic modification" & "Germline therapy" to modify the embroy's genetic structure. Previously these techniques were use to cure genetic disorders(Inheritable Diseases)।The 3 day old embryo which is kept in invitro conditions , a cell is taken and it genetic structure is studied so that the genes responsible for human structure(ex eye color,skin color,hair color, height,immunity) can be identified and studied for changes .The change in the genetic structure lead to change in human structure and this forms the basis of the concept of designer baby.


The Los Angeles Fertility Institutes, run by Dr Jeff Steinberg who played a key role in the birth of the world's first test-tube baby Louise Brown in Britain in 1978, says it is ready to deliver the first designer baby next year.

And it will come at a price of $18,000 per baby!




Good Night

ROJGAAR GUARANTEE YOJANA....damm

21/03/2009

Today again i woke up early. Thats two in a row.

Indian won its first test in 33 years on Newzland's soil by huge margin of 10 wickets. The Newzland's batting order crumbled, thanks to the tremendous bowling of Harbhajan Singh who posted a 6 wicket hall in the second innings. Sachin Tendulkar was declared man of the match for his tremendous innings of 160.
University examinations dates seems to extend to the month of may,which would be a big blow for me as many of my competitive exams are to held during that period.
Does the university do anything right for the students?
Classes are never held regularly. The colleges don't have sufficient faculty & the number of student keeps on increasing every year.
God if u exist, please bless this university.

Today i have not opened my computer and i am doing this blogging through my mobile. Thats a great achievement for me.

Today i met one friend of mine who is a VDO(Village Development Officer) in a nearby village. He told me that people there are spoiled due to their heavy addiction to liquor. The officials too are always drunked.Every time a work has to be done the villagers offer bribe or liquor to the officials. This has spoiled the whole system and this is not the story of one village, same thing occur in other places too!
This is our administrative system.
The Government has started "ROJGAAR GUARANTEE YOJANA" in villages which ensures 100 days of work every year for every unemployed in the village or rather they would get 75 rupees as "BEROJGARI BHATA".This could be an effective program unless both the villagers and the officials act to it in a honest way.
I also feel one one thing that if our villages have to prosper then there should a complete eradication of Liquor from there.
But it does not seems to happen because we all know that government gets huge revenues from this "special liquid" that has drowned the villages!


Gd Night